... I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to another.”
― Lewis Carroll (Alice in Wonderland)
Fears. Dreams. Frustration. Love. Past. Present. Future. Five.
Fears; what will people think, what do I think, how can it be done.
Dreams; of my heart, where will my feet wander, what things will I discover.
Frustration; God where are you in this, health, finances and money, I'm hitting a wall.
Love; relationships, work, home, adventures, newness, creativity, thrifting, outdoors, time spent.
Past; thoughts, habits, memories,
Present; thinking, nature, imagination.
Future; understanding, essence, insight.
Five; weeks.
Reflecting on these last few months I have myself seeing how much God is faithful. I know this in my head, heard it a thousand times, but my heart is a complete other story. As each day has passed the Lord has shown me that he is faithful to his promises, he endures forever and does not change wether I am in Canada, New Zealand, India or wherever else I may be. He does not change if I have a job or not, if I have heaps of friends or I don't, if I have money in the bank or I'm poor. He stays the same and is steadfast in his promises. My Father has good gifts for me and everything that we go through together is to grow my holiness.
Nearly seven months spent in Canada, the longest I have lived somewhere in the last two years. Same bed, same house, same shower. In the months where the attitude can get "I'm at home, God won't really work in my life" . But as I've chosen to keep my eyes on Him, He has been faithful to working in my heart, to pulling me higher, and growing me deeper into Himself. He has blessed me with good and deep friends, closer relationship within my family and has shown me rest is a good thing. I'm not perfect by any chance, I've messed it up (a lot), I get frustrated with people and the consumerism of my community but God is good, forgiving, and gracious. He has never stopped pursuing and fighting for me.
I don't want to be the typical girl and start it off this way, but it's really the only way. So, I met this guy while traveling. As it goes he liked me, I liked him, we started dating. It's a long story bound by the hand of God, but it has been an amazing journey. Having last seen each other seven months ago, it's been a crash course in trusting our Father. We decided to date three months ago, being time zones apart and a wee bit of ocean in between we've had a grand time doing the long distance thing and being great friends with Skype. For me, it has been a great leap of faith, learning what it means to deeply love, invest into one person and with the reality of he lives very far away how is this going to work Lord. This scares me, it causes me to fear. To live vulnerably, openly and trusting is like being at an edge of a cliff. For someone who doesn't like heights, well you can imagine it. But it has been a place where I have gained freedom and learnt to overcome. Yea, some days are most definitely harder then others, but the Lord is faithful. As I continue to trust my Father, I am taking another step of faith and going to be hopping onto a plane in a few weeks to go and visit him, my friend and be able to live in the same time zone and on the same continent for a month or so. So the adventures continue.
As I trust my Father, I know the next couple steps but where exactly He is leading me, He hasn't told me yet. But the future isn't mine to worry about.
"Fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; it’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life … the great stories go to those who don’t give in to fear."
— Donald Miller (A Million Miles in a Thousand Years)
