“How puzzling all these changes are! ...

... I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to another.” 

― Lewis Carroll (Alice in Wonderland)

Fears. Dreams. Frustration. Love. Past. Present. Future. Five.

Fears; what will people think, what do I think, how can it be done.

Dreams; of my heart, where will my feet wander, what things will I discover.

Frustration; God where are you in this, health, finances and money, I'm hitting a wall.

Love; relationships, work, home, adventures, newness, creativity, thrifting, outdoors, time spent.

Past; thoughts, habits, memories, 

Present; thinking, nature, imagination.

Future; understanding, essence, insight.

Five; weeks.

Reflecting on these last few months I have myself seeing how much God is faithful. I know this in my head, heard it a thousand times, but my heart is a complete other story. As each day has passed the Lord has shown me that he is faithful to his promises, he endures forever and does not change wether I am in Canada, New Zealand, India or wherever else I may be. He does not change if I have a job or not, if I have heaps of friends or I don't, if I have money in the bank or I'm poor. He stays the same and is steadfast in his promises. My Father has good gifts for me and everything that we go through together is to grow my holiness. 

"When God made his promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater for him to swear by, he swore by himself, saying, “I will surely bless you and give you many descendants.” And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised. ... We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever..." Hebrews 6:13-20. 

​Nearly seven months spent in Canada, the longest I have lived somewhere in the last two years. Same bed, same house, same shower. In the months where the attitude can get "I'm at home, God won't really work in my life" . But as I've chosen to keep my eyes on Him, He has been faithful to working in my heart, to pulling me higher, and growing me deeper into Himself. He has blessed me with good and deep friends, closer relationship within my family and has shown me rest is a good thing. I'm not perfect by any chance, I've messed it up (a lot), I get frustrated with people and the consumerism of my community but God is good, forgiving, and gracious. He has never stopped pursuing and fighting for me. 

I don't want to be the typical girl and start it off this way, but it's really the only way. So, I met this guy while traveling. As it goes he liked me, I liked him, we started dating. It's a long story bound by the hand of God, but it has been an amazing journey. Having last seen each other seven months ago, it's been a crash course in trusting our Father. We decided to date three months ago, being time zones apart and a wee bit of ocean in between we've had a grand time doing the long distance thing and being great friends with Skype. For me, it has been a great leap of faith, learning what it means to deeply love, invest into one person and with the reality of he lives very far away how is this going to work Lord. This scares me, it causes me to fear. To live vulnerably, openly and trusting is like being at an edge of a cliff. For someone who doesn't like heights, well you can imagine it. But it has been a place where I have gained freedom and learnt to overcome. Yea, some days are most definitely harder then others, but the Lord is faithful. As I continue to trust my Father, I am taking another step of faith and going to be hopping onto a plane in a few weeks to go and visit him, my friend and be able to live in the same time zone and on the same continent for a month or so. So the adventures continue.

​As I trust my Father, I know the next couple steps but where exactly He is leading me, He hasn't told me yet. But the future isn't mine to worry about. ​

"Fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; it’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life … the great stories go to those who don’t give in to fear."

— Donald Miller (A Million Miles in a Thousand Years)

I am loved.

Words. Are hard to find. To describe this last season of adventure. As this season has been coming to an end I have processing what father has taught me these last seven months. There is a heap of stuff to process, but in that I wanted to share one of the things that father has taught me. Father has been revealing to my heart this season that with him it is going to be alright. Through the sunshine, the storms, the bright lights and dark nights he is holding my hand. I have always struggled with seeing the pain, hurt more than where father fits in, but he has been revealing to me that he is more than enough and as long as my eyes are on him, my hand in his everything is worth it. He has really shown me that he is a real person. Someone willing to walk the hard road right beside you, . He doesn`t call you to something and then leave you as an orphan. He isn`t an absent father but a father to the fatherless. Father has been speaking to me that it is all about loving him. He just desires my love as a child, as a daughter. Simple. Love the father and he`ll fulfill the rest. That to me is amazing, that he spends his time pursuing me. Making sure I know that I am loved. I am loved. I am pursued. I am wanted. I am desired. I am beloved.

Descried. Encountered. Captivated.
Emptied. Filled. Imbued.
Hide. Hide away.
Broken. Rebuilt. Restored.
Tears. Tears run.
Orphan. Child. Daughter.
Peace. Peace come quickly.

Team Curry Update No. 2

Here is outreach team curry update no. 2!

http://teamcurryindia.tumblr.com/

No Reserves. No Retreats. No Regrets. -- William Borden

"Was Borden's untimely death a waste? Not in God's perspective. Prior to his death, Borden had written two more words in his Bible. Underneath the words "No reserves" and "No retreats," he had written: "No regrets."

Visiting a church a few weeks ago, the guest pastor spoke of William Borden, and he challenged us with this man's story. With the three phrases of Borden, God spoke to me about living a life that in every area, no matter the circumstance, no matter where I am living that he is worth it. Worth good times, worth comfort, worth discomfort, worth pain, worth death, etc. I asked God why this spoke to my heart so deeply, and he replied with, because I chose his son, a man named Jesus, I had offered myself to a life devoted to him. Nothing in this life is worth more than Jesus. I told God that I had indeed come to him searching for more, and in my spirit I knew that this was what I truly wanted.  Thinking and asking God what I should write in this blog, he kept reminding me of one particular week related to my prayers about his son being worth it. About a week after I prayed I ended up getting really sick, right before Christmas. I have never thrown up that much in my life, nor have I ever felt so exhausted, nauseated and completely run over by a truck for nearly a week. And after pretty much recovering I found out I had a case of lice. In the end the lice were not too bad and easy to be rid of, but I really had to humbly myself and allow God to speak to me in these situations that I truly never wanted to go through. The lice as small as it is, challenged me to look at my priorities. Bugs abiding in my hair, my least favorite thought. Father gently reminded me that he was worth it, that combing out thousands of lice from women at the Mother Teresa house was worth getting them myself. That loving him and those women was worth it. And being terribly sick. As not great as these things are I learnt that God is faithful, faithful to fulfill the things I have asked for him to grow in me. As well, that he uses all things to teach his children. Since than Father has reminded me that in everything, my preferences, my thoughts, my actions, my future, my family, my comfort, my home, my independence are all worth the sacrifice to be in love with Jesus.

Curry Update No. 1

Here is my outreach team`s tumblr where our updates are available. Check it out, Kimmie our update writer has done a lovely job capturing what our first two weeks in India have all encompassed.

http://teamcurryindia.tumblr.com/

“ If you lose your purpose ... it's like you're broken. ” ― Brian Selznick, The Invention of Hugo Cabret

As I sit here contemplating the things Father has done these last couple of weeks, I`m a bit overwhelmed of the work he has done in my heart. Stripping the blackness off, scrapping off the mold and cleansing the walls of dirt and grime. Breaking into my heart that I have attempted and tried to let no one in, he has exploded in with buckets of colored paint. Painting all the walls bright beautiful colors, painting large pretty pictures of my purpose and identity on every surface. Speaking to me that I am his. His child, his daughter, his beloved. Calling me into the depths of his heart, enfolding me into his deep wells of love. Oh, how he loves me. And because he loves me I do not need to be qualified or have it all together.
Which is good because I am neither. A good friend spoke these simple words to me a few weeks ago, "God does not chose the qualified but qualifies the called." Good to hear. I do not need to have it all together, I just need to live out of the daughter-ship I have been adopted into. As any nine-teen year old would I think about what am I going to do with the rest of my life, where can I go, what can I see, how can I live up to all the expectations this world has for me? God`s simple answer is: live loving and adoring me. Simple as. Glory.
 

“In the silence of the heart God speaks. If you face God in prayer and silence, God will speak to you. Then you will know that you are nothing. It is only when you realize your nothingness, your emptiness, that God can fill you with Himself. Souls of prayer are souls of great silence.” ― Mother Teresa, In the Heart of the World: Thoughts, Stories and Prayers

"WOULD YOU LIKE AN ADVENTURE NOW, OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR TEA FIRST?" — J.M. Barrie

Man, it is getting harder and harder to write what God is doing in my heart. Probably because the Father is going deeper than I have ever let him. God has been speaking to me about relationship with him these last couple of weeks. Deep, intimate and close relationship. That he wants to be the father that is involved in what his child doing, he wants to love and be loved. Not that he needs it or needs to be but he desires it. He desires intimate, close relationship with me. As C.S. Lewis wrote, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries: lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." The Lord has been showing me the risk behind his love, that he does not passively love me, but he loves me wildly. God has a habit of showing me what he wants to teach me through round-about ways, so this one he hit home while I was reading through Wild at Heart by John Elderedge. Here's an excerpt of it...

"Most of us do everything we can to reduce the element of risk in our lives. 

We wear our seat belts, watch our cholesterol, and practice birth control. ... 

God seems to fly in the face of all caution. ... God gave us a remarkable choice. 

He did not make Adam and Eve obey him. He took a risk. 

A staggering risk, with staggering consequences. He let others into his story, 

and he lets their choices shape it profoundly.

This is the world he has made. This is the world that is still going on. 

And he doesn't walk away from the mess we've made of it. ... 

There’s the one where the children of Israel are pinned against the Red Sea, 

no way out, with Pharaoh and his army barreling down on them in  murderous fury. 

Then God shows up. He lets the mob kill Jesus, bury him . . . then he shows up. 

Do you know why God loves writing such incredible stories? 

Because he loves to come through. He loves to show us that he has what it takes.

It’s not the nature of God to limit his risks and cover his bases. Far from it. 

Most of the time, he actually lets the odds stack up against him. Against Goliath, 

a seasoned soldier and a trained killer, he sends . . . a freckle-faced little 

shepherd kid with a slingshot. ... It’s not just a battle or two that God

takes his chances with, either. Have you thought about his handling of the gospel? 

God needs to get a message out to the human race, without which they will perish ... forever. 

What’s the plan? 

First, he starts with the most unlikely group ever: a couple of prostitutes, 

a few fishermen with no better than a second-grade education, a tax collector. 

Then, he passes the ball to us. 

Unbelievable.

God’s relationship with us and with our world is just that: a relationship. ... 

But God does give it, again and again and again, until he is literally

bleeding from it all. God’s willingness to risk is just astounding—far beyond 

what any of us would do were we in his position. Trying to reconcile God’s 

sovereignty and man’s free will has stumped the church for ages. ... 

Nevertheless, there is definitely something wild in the heart of God."

Now loving Father the way He loves me is the question...